Good (An Imposter Syndrome Quandary)

I was once point-blank asked the question, “How do you know you’re good at what you do?”

This wasn’t a question from a colleague or a friend. It was not a question for me to reflect on pensively.  And it was not asked lightly, but it was asked with sincerity.

How do you know you’re good at what you do?

I thought about the question later as I  

F I X A T E D  

on perfecting my website during that period.

The entire time I was staying up late, putting bleary-eyed heaps of effort into it, I felt defeated (and a little embarrassed):

What makes you think you’re a good enough to put your time into this?

You have nothing to show for it

Maybe because you’re not actually good at it . . .

I don’t confess this to garner validation. And honestly I hate when it comes to my writing my friends and family are like, IT IS GOOD. Because they’ve told me my writing was good years ago when it clearly:

WAS NOT. (Bless them, because I truly need the encouragement to keep going).

If validation were a drug, writers would end up with a serious problem. I write this in solidarity with others who are hit with imposter syndrome.

How do you know you’re good at what you do?

With a rapid fire heart rate, I slowly breathed out and began my response to the question I was asked.

“ . . . I don’t know if I’m good at what I do

. . . I don’t know if I’m a good writer or if my books will make anyone feel anything

. . . I don’t know if what I put out there will help anyone . . .”

But I know without a doubt that I LOVE to do it . . .

Maybe in a strange way, all of this is meant for the different versions of me that exist in the past and future, maybe even alongside me in some para-universe, who need to hear my words, my struggle, and my lessons learned.

If you only do it for yourself, that is the best reason. Who cares about defining what is good.

Because you don’t have to prove anything to yourself. You just have to have keep going. Keep improving, keep encouraging, and above all, keep being kind to yourself along the way.

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