The Scientific Recipe for an Authentic (and Happy!) Life

Yes. There may actually be one.

“You think you know what your values are (but chances are you don’t)” is how Suzy Welch often opens conversations about her framework for helping people build authentic, financially sustainable lives. She is the creator of Becoming You, the most popular class at NYU's school of business.

I inhaled Becoming You. Welch is a transparent, high-energy guide whose mission is simple: help people align with their true selves, and make a living doing it.

Her formula? Values + Aptitudes = Area of Transcendence

In plain English: What you value + what you’re naturally good at = where your work is most likely to feel meaningful and sustainable.

Of course, it’s easier said than done. Reading the book alone isn’t enough; Welch has workshops and courses devoted to the process. Curious, I paid the (very reasonable) fee to assess my own values.

And here’s the truth: I had no idea what my values actually were. Family? Sure. “Family centricity” appeared on my list. But there were fifteen other options I had to sort through, many that made me pause and think, Huh . . . maybe?

Then came my number-one value.

Welch is very clear about this part: don’t be embarrassed by your top value. Don’t assign moral weight to the ranking. If family isn’t first—or even second—that says nothing about your love for your family. If your number one value is Luminescence (aka: Fame) don't be embarrassed!

Still, I was surprised.

My top value was Beholderism.

If you had asked a hundred people to define beholderism, I would have quietly kept my hand down. But once I understood it, things clicked.

It turns out I’m not vain or frivolous for carefully curating my wardrobe into something resembling a Pinterest-worthy minimalist capsule. I’m not ridiculous for wanting my sweats to match (even if no one sees me that day).

And spaces? Don’t get me started. I walk into a room and immediately feel the vibe. Good feng shui practically makes my nervous system exhale.

My husband, without taking the test, would probably rank beholderism dead last. Possibly off the chart entirely. This is the man who once suggested putting the Christmas tree in the middle of the living room because, and I quote, “Then everyone can see ALL the ornaments!!”

The assessment was oddly validating.

I love painstakingly (read: mildly obsessive) crafting beauty and meaning through writing, art, spaces, outfits, even the emotional tone of a room. That impulse isn’t superficial for me; it’s core.

Which naturally led to the next question: Should I have been an interior designer? A fashion expert? Gone all-in on creative writing?

Maybe writing. But for me, beholderism isn’t just about pretty spaces. It’s about helping people feel seen, encouraged, and understood. It’s about creating emotional and psychological beauty out of chaos.

In that light, my work as a psychiatrist isn’t wildly off base. But it may not fully express my deepest core value. And for now, that’s okay. Alignment doesn’t have to be all-or-nothing. I can still express this part of myself through writing and through helping others become more fully themselves.

We’re living in a cultural moment that increasingly gives permission for this kind of reflection. Wanting internal peace and self-actualization isn’t selfish.

It may, in fact, be the path toward selflessness.

Because people who are grounded in their values, people doing work that genuinely fits them, tend to show up in the world with more clarity, more generosity, and more staying power.

And that’s the kind of ripple effect the world could use a little more of.

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